She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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