what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
