there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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