I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize