Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
