playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
