I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
