I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
