I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
