i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you never un-have a 4some
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
