We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
