My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
