There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
