It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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