Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
