rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
