he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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