Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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