i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
