Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
