Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
