i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
