I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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