I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
