Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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