how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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