dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
