I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
