So drunk its hurt
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
