I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
