If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize