It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
