Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
