Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
