You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
