I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
