I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
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when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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