i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
