The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
