I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
