you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She even gives head with a lisp.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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