sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
