i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
