I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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