My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Panties = found
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
