pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
