You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
