how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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