A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
