In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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