oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
