I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
