if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
