Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
