They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
