Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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