Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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