I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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