Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
