Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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