Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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