I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
