I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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