I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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