If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
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