I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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